I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
