You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I party with great urgency now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
