I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
