I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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