If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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