Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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