And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
