Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
