that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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