I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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