I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
