dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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