i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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