I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
