i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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