It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
