Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
