I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
