where does the pee come out of this thing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
