Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
