I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
