i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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