after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
