The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
