I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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