don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
