After last night, I could never be a politician.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
