I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
