Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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