did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
