I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
