i'm signing you up for texting rehab
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
