Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
