College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
