Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
