Will you blow on my dice?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
