happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
