i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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