i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
