So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was born a porn star she said
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
