"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
