idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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