Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
