There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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