I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
