You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
