talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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