DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
