I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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