Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
