I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
