If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
