Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
