thus making me awesome and them whores
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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