I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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