Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
