I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize